Varansi

The train from Agra to Varanasi was very comfortable. We had heard some horror stories about Indian trains but with our beds in 2AC we were nicely surprised.

We didn't get a huge amount of sleep but that was the least of our worries as we pulled rolled into town. At around 6am I decided to join Kate on our bottom bunk to have a look out the window. At 6:15am I hopped back up to to my bunk to get ready to alight only to discover our camera had been stolen. I had slept all night with it under my pillow and within 15 minutes it had gone. Some f@#*er had stolen it. Needless to say we were absolutely gutted and still are. We only lost a days worth of photos so it could have been worse. The experience was made worse by the tourist policeman apparently not giving two hoots about our predicament and telling us to return at 10:30am to fill out a complaint form.

We trudged off with heads hung low. The poor driver and guide picking us up bore the brunt of our unhappiness, by far the lowest point of our travels - but possibly the only low point! To rub salt into our wound we were not allowed an early check in to our hotel so had to head out again to explore what Varanasi had to offer. We had breakfast at a lovely little restaurant and with our bellies full we were ready explore the temples.

First on the list was situated on the campus of the Benares Hindu University. We had a quick look around and as we left I had an heated argument with the shoe collector. He demanded 5 rupees from each of us but as I had not seen the sign, and was in a foul mood, I thought he was demanding a tip. Eventually he showed me the sign which did clearly stated the price, however it was slightly hidden from view.

Next was the Hanuman temple, home to loads of maquacs. As we entered a snake charmer with a basket of two cobras caught my attention; if only I had a camera. Doh! At the next temple I had a genius idea of leaving our shoes in the car so to avoid the shoe collection fees. This cunning plan soon had a serious flaw when we were told we would visit the next three temples on foot and then meet the car further on through town. After being blessed by a priest with a peacock feather it was time to walk barefoot through the streets of Varanasi onto two more temples. By now are feet were filthy but we had experienced what is was like to be a pilgrim, if only for an hour or two. Just before we got back into the car Kate had a henna tattoo on her hand. It was very pretty but you will have to take my word for it.

The rest of the afternoon was spent catching up on sleep in our hotel room. We arranged to meet our guide just before sunset so he could take as down to the ghats and a rowing boat trip on the Ganges. We had a lovely float down the river to watch the various ceremonies and to witness the burning ghats. After which it was time for our rower to earn his tip and row back up the river. I offered to help but he declined, the poor chap was knackered by the end.

Taj Ganji and Agra

Only a short car journey this morning to Agra and just on the outskirts we visited the fortified city of Fatehpur Sikri. We were dropped at the car park then had to catch a bus up to the main gate. We probably could have walked but as it was just passed midday we decided the shelter of the bus was the more sensible option. We bought our entrance ticket and fought our way through the "department guides" into the vast area filled with many buildings. We wandered through the Ladies Garden (tee hee hee) and several small palaces.

After that we decided to take a look at the Jama Musjid, a large mosque. Kate had to wear a fetching wrap around skirt as her knees were offensive. The whole time we walked around the mosque and the surrounding buildings we were shadowed by a scrote who insisted he didn't want paying and was just practicing his English. As we left he then insisted we visit his family's shop. Needless to say we told him where to go.

We had one last look around the palace buildings then went in search of a bus back down to the car park. It was not scheduled to leave for another hour so we contemplated walking. Suddenly an auto-rickshaw arrived dropping off some tourists and the driver immediately asked if we wanted to take if for 30 rupees. He was going down the hill anyway and the price was a bit steep so we walked away at which point he reduced it to 10 - the same as the bus.

Back at the car park I paid him and he then asked for our ticket stubs, presumably so he could flog them to local tourists. I refused on principle, besides they might make a nice souvenir. Back in the car and tickets ripped up in the bin we headed into Taj Ganji.

As the city is on the World heritage list, cars etc are banned within 1km of the Taj Mahal. We parked up then hopped into a large auto rikshaw and rattled our way to the hotel. We were very surprised by the location of our bed for the night, just 200 yards from the east gate. The room was the grottiest so far but no doubt location dictated the price. Once we had checked in and found an ATM we set off to visit the main attraction.

We started queuing at the east gate having ignored the wise words of a rickshaw driver. He was adamant that tickets could only be purchased at the south gate. After a minute or so Kate was ushered through into the female queue and soon found herself within the walls. I took a little longer as there were a lot more men trying to get in and also because of the small matter of a .32 shell casing. I had forgotten I had it in a small zipped compartment of my rucksack and the soldier/guard, short of handcuffing me, marched my to his office where I had to explain to his superiors why I was in the possession of the casing and did I have the weapon that fired it. Once they had searched my bag again and found no trace of the revolver I was free to go although the did confiscate it my small keepsake from Thailand. On reflection I was lucky to get it through airport customs in Bangkok. Had it been picked up there I might still be banged up in the Hilton!

Now I was deemed not to be carrying a piece or tooled up, we were free to wander around but were bemused by the fact that we had not paid or been asked for a ticket. We walked through the next gate expecting to be asked to produce a stub but instead we were rewarded with the famous view of the Taj Mahal (for free!).

The next few hours we explored the grounds with a nagging sense of paranoia. We went inside the mausoleum and marvelled at the intricate stone work with inlayed semi-precious stones. We spent a few minutes taking the obligatory cheesey photos and I was given a photo master class by a very helpful chap with a whistle. Any time a tourist got in my shot he blew it and shooed them off. I was so pleased with this service that I actually tipped someone for once before he asked me. But I came crashing back down to reality when the cheeky sod asked for more. I laughed at him and ran off.

We sat upon a marble bench for a while soaking up the atmosphere and were joined by an Indian family who wanted their photos taken with us. We obliged but didn't relish the extra attention due to our fare dodging so beat a hasty retreat.

For some unknown reason I thought I would re-enter the lion's den and try to retrieve my shell casing. Bad idea! I was held for another 20 minutes while Kate waited outside getting pestered by small boys who had to be scared off by a man with a big branch. During my detention I had to write a letter of apology. Once I had signed it and they were happy with my confession things took a turn for the better. They chatted with me, asking about my trip and offered me chai. I said no thank you and asked if I could leave. Thankfully I was allowed to and rejoined Kate outside.

We then decided to catch a potential sunset atop a restaurant in town. We found a great roof terrace but unfortunately too many clouds had gathered and it was not to be.

The next morning we were greeted by Kanaram and after breakfast we flagged down two rikshaws to cycle us all, plus bags, back to the car. The poor chap on our rikshaw was having a tough time trying to pull me so I told him to hop in the back with Kate while I cycled the rest of the way. An obvious source of amusment to the locals, I got a lot of cheers and stares. Once at the car the owner congratulated me on some good cycling and we were soon on our way into Agra.

We have no photos of the morning nor any of our travels beyond this point. All will become clearer later.

In Agra we saw the fort which afforded a different view of the Taj Mahal and a close encounter with a bat.

Our next stop was Chini-Ka-Rauza, a small riverside tomb and after that we visited Itimad-ud-Daulah (The Baby Taj). The final point of interest before our next leg of the journey was Mehtab Bagh, a well kept garden on the north bank of the Yamuna. Instead of paying the entrance fee we walked down the road to the side and had an equally great but different view of the Taj Mahal while surrounded by locals going about their lives, waterbirds and other tourists.

It was then time to say goodbye to Kanaram but before we made it to the train station we stopped at a roadside chai stall and enjoyed a final drink together. We were sad to see him go as we boarded our train to Varanasi. He had become a friend and we will definitely stay in touch.

Jaipur

After a brief visit to a town called Pushkar, where I fell prey to a dodgy stomach and a conning 'priest' we pressed on towards Jaipur. The hotel we were staying in was in a quieter suburban area of the city so we hailed ourselves an auto-rickshaw and made our way into the more central region of Jaipur.

We had a pretty unpleasant walk, due to the traffic, hassle factor and constant smell of piss, towards the public gardens and the city museum. By the time we arrived there I was in a foul mood and Dave was getting all the blame! We stopped to take a look at the map in our travel guide and were immediately surrounded by a crowd of people peering over our shoulders and generally making a nuisance of themselves. There is only one thing that can rescue a situation like this in India and that is an encounter with some genuinely lovely people and luckily for Dave one such family found us just in the nick of time. The father approached us and as I was carrying the camera asked if I would take a photograph of his rather large family. I was wary, as generally if someone asks if you want a photograph of them this is followed quickly by a request for money; but they all stood in front of me looking so serious and apprehensive about having their photo taken I couldn't turn him down.

Having snapped the first photograph they all crowded around to see themselves on the screen and were delighted by what they saw and laughed and giggled happily. Feeling braver now they wanted another taken and they all looked a little more relaxed for their second photo shoot. We said our goodbyes and they went on their way obviously very pleased with their encounter with the camera. My mood was lifted as you can't help but smile with people like this.

Soon after, the rain began to fall so after sheltering from the worst of it we then made our way through the city walls of the 'Pink city'.

The bazaars were just on the other side, but the rain had transformed them into muddy, wet, awful places; so stopping only for a freshly squeezed orange from the juice wallah, we picked our way through the puddles and back to the main road. We auto rickshawed our way back through the Jaipur rush hour to our hotel and wondered how we made it in one piece!

The next morning our first stop was Hawa Mahal, which was an extremely impressive building built in 1799 for the important ladies of the day to relax and people watch the streets below while remaining unseen behind the honeycomb like lattice work covering the 953 small windows. The lattice work also allows for the desert winds to blow freely through the windows and that is where the name Hawa Mahal came from, it means Palace of the Winds.

Our enjoyment was diminished by the constant pestering of the hoards of hawkers trying to get us to 'just look' in their shop or to ride in their rickshaw. It becomes impossible to turn them down politely and I have now employed the strategy of completely ignoring them as if you utter a word they take this as a sign of interest.

We escaped back into the car and made our way up to the Amber fort where an Elephant ride was on the agenda. I was already not too keen on this idea as I had heard reports of mistreatment and poor living conditions for the animals, but as we arrived we were swept along by the process and before I knew it we were sat precariously on top of an elephant. As we lumbered up towards the fort it became clear that we had the slowest elephant on the block, consequently as the other elephants came around to overtake we were pushed against the wall which meant that every time we swayed to the left we dangled over the precipice on the other side. I was close to freaking out and if I could have climbed down I would have, unfortunately that was not an option so I had to cling on for dear life until we finally, 40 minutes later, reached the top.

If I am smiling on this photograph it is false or I'm just happy to be so close to the end of the ordeal.

We decided not to do yet another tour inside of a fort and instead struggled through the crowds of hawkers (Jaipur is definitely the worst yet!) back to the car.

After stopping for a quick photo call at the Water palace,

the next attraction was Jantar Mantar, a collection of architectural astronomical instruments used for measuring time, predicting eclipses, tracking stars' location as the earth orbits around the sun and other things which made no sense to our shrivelled brains.

As we walked around we concluded that, in fact, this was an oversized cosmic playground for the Maharajahs of Jaipur.

The afternoon activity had already been decided upon , a trip to the cinema to watch a Hindi film with Kanaram, our driver, acting as interpreter. After buying our tickets we made a trip to the Lassi Wallah across the street. Opting for the sweet lassi we watched him blend the yoghurt and pour it into a large ceramic cup, the Indian equivalent of a disposable, and then scoop out a chunk of curd skin to lay on top; a taste sensation!!

Film time was almost upon us so we bought our popcorn and found our seats in the huge Art Deco theatre.

We flouted all the rules by photographing everything in sight and then thoroughly enjoyed the film, mainly because of the raucous audience participation. Each joke and significant moment in the film is cheered, clapped or whistled at and is so much more fun than our hushed movie theatres.

After a busy and fun-filled day we retreated back to our hotel to prepare for our journey to Agra the following morning.

Udaipur

We were awakened by the possibly the loudest crack of thunder the human ear has ever heard up in our mountainous retreat. The storm passed over quickly but we had to change our morning's itinerary in its wake as the rains had flooded roads which led to a fort which we were scheduled to see. Hey ho, we had already seen gazillions of forts so we weren't too distraught.

Only 75 kilometres today to reach Udaipur so we arrived early, slung our bags into our room and headed for the Monsoon Palace which was built high on the hills overlooking the city to watch the Monsoon clouds move in. It was also used in James Bond's Octopussy, as were half the buildings in town a fact which the locals don't let you forget for more than 10 seconds at a time. As we were racing up the hills our car's engine decided to explode ,so we pulled over and Dave and I continued on foot, leaving Kanaram to sort out our ailing vehicle.

The palace itself was no longer a beauty, but the views over the 'Lake City' and its surrounding countryside were impressive.

We eventually rejoined Kanaram at the bottom of the hill where he'd managed to cool the car down and we limped back into town, stopping to take a photograph of the Lake Palace on the way. Do you know it was used in the film 'Octopussy', blah blah blah.

While Kanaram went to find a mechanic who could fix the car, we took a boat ride on Lake Pichola which was pleasant enough; the most interesting sight being our first glimpses of a 'ghat', which are a series of steps leading down to water. These ghats are used for worship, washing and for the kids, a good place to jump into the cooling, if somewhat filthy water. We were lucky to be able to take this boat ride, as apparently just 15 days ago the lake was dry and it is only the recent downpours that have filled her up.

After lunch we wandered the streets of Udaipur, getting lost in the maze like alleyways and coming into close quarters with 2 fighting bulls; just your average day on the streets of India!

The next morning we revelled in a slightly later start, as we were staying put in Udaipur for the day. We made a visit to the Ornamental gardens, which were immaculately kept and crammed full of water features and fountains.

Despite our enchanting surroundings Dave still managed to be the main attraction for the visiting Indians and had to stop several times for the now customary photographs with the 'big, bald, white man'. I really don't know how he's going to cope going when we arrive back in the UK and people don't stare in wonder anymore.

We then got Kanaram to drop us off near to the Jagdish Temple in the centre of town, which is a large Hindu temple. An older Indian gentleman showed us round, pointing out the various gods which adorn the nooks and crannies of the building and testing us on the Hindu knowledge that we've picked up so far.

Amazingly he really did just want to practice his English, which is a common ruse in these parts; he was due to fly to Birmingham in the following days for an art exhibition at the NEC, what a lucky chap!! We spent the rest of the afternoon exploring the lanes and ghats of Udaipur and finally giving into the beggar who exclaimed 'Look I've got no legs'; there really isn't anything you can do other than hand over your spare rupees when faced with a situation like that.

Later on in the evening we revisited the Jagdish Temple, as our earlier guide had told us that this is the time that it really comes to life. There were hundreds of people singing, chanting and paying their respects to the Hindu gods, an electric atmosphere and an almighty squeeze in the streets as people attempted to reach the place of worship for their nightly prayers. Truly Incredible India!

Ranakpur

We left Jodhpur behind without seeing any of the famed trousers and made our way to cool mountains of Ranakpur, stopping en route to add to our growing pile of shopping.

After lunch Kanaram stopped the car and led the way to the 'Crocodile dam'; he was most put out when we spotted a little croc before he did and looked doubtful that what we had seen was a 'real' crocodile. No more sightings of green scaly creatures but we did enjoy the views over this lush and leafy area of India.

On the way back down to the car Dave went 'off road' and down to the water to see if he could catch sight of the earlier crocodile. Kanaram almost wet himself with worry and asked me to tell him that it was dangerous and would he come back up. 'You are a danger man' was his greeting as Dave reemerged with all his limbs intact and only having come face to face with the deadly creature below.

On the outskirts of Ranakpur we stopped to see the Jain temples which were built back in 1439; the main temple contains 1444 pillars and each one is unique in its carvings, making for a spectacular sight.

The temple complex is jealously guarded by a troupe of Langur monkeys and Dave came across a particularly aggressive one while trying to take some photographs.

We continued up into the mountains and marvelled at how much the landscape had changed in just a few hundred kilometres, from barren desert to green, verdant mountains. Our hotel for tonight was a mountain chalet with a view into the valley; we enjoyed the first quietness of our trip to India and attempted, with no luck, to spot the Jaguars that still populate this area.

Jodhpur

After an excellent Indian breakfast (who'd have thought that we'd adapt so easily to curry for breakfast!) on the sunny roof top, it was time to hit the road again. Jodphur was our destination today and the journey was made interesting by the pelting rain, zero visibility and the frequent appearance of kamikaze donkeys/cows/goats in the middle of the road.

On arrival in Jodhpur it was time for another fort and another audio tour.

The Mehrangarh is one of the largest forts in India and its position over the city means that the views from the ramparts are breathtaking. Continuing the theme of coloured cities, Jodhpur is the 'Blue City' so named due to the many houses painted with indigo which apparently wards off mosquitoes.
Despite some stunning rooms and grand architecture, the Indian tourists who were visiting the fort seemed much more interested in us than in looking at their surroundings. It really takes some getting used to being stared at so blatantly; I even saw one man trying to take a sneaky photo of Dave on his mobile phone!
On the way back down into the city we visited a memorial called Jaswant Thada which is built from intricately carved sheets of marble; very beautiful and free of marauding camera toting Indians.

We descended into the madness of Jodhpur and after squeezing the car through the narrow streets we set off from the hotel to take in the vibrant sounds, sights and smells which are abundant in the Sardar Market surrounding the clock tower.

We felt obliged to sample some of the street food as it looked so tempting, despite the fact that many people, including Indians, had warned us not to fearing for our delicate western bellies. Everything we tried so far has been delicious and so far no ill effects have been experienced!

We finished our evening in another roof top restaurant with a great view over the city and a friendly waiter who tried to help us in our quest to learn some Hindi.

Jaisalmer

We left Bikaner behind bright and early and hit the road to Jaislamer.

Our progress was soon halted when we reached a flooded portion of the road which was deemed to be impassable in our trusty Tata Indigo. Other larger vehicles were passing without much trouble, but we hit the dust tracks running parallel to the main road instead and eventually wound our way back on to the road on the other side of the flood.

August is slap bang in the middle of monsoon season here in India and as we reached the outskirts of Jaisalmer the heavens opened and we had to reroute several times due to flooded roads.

Having reached our hotel in the town we decided to go and investigate the 'Golden city' despite everything still being slightly soggy. With our trusty Thai umbrellas to keep us dry we wandered around the town and eventually found a place to indulge in a Thali, which is a fantastic Indian meal, served in a steel tray with multiple compartments filled with various food stuffs including rice, dahl, vegetables and chapatis; yum yum yum. As we walked back to the hotel we answered, for what seemed the hundredth time, questions about our umbrellas; Indians are obsessed with them and want to know where we bought them and how much they were, very funny!

The next morning the weather was dry and so we were able to walk, unhindered by inquiries about our umbrellas, up to the yellow sandstone fort which is perched on top of the hill.

The main thing we wanted to see were the Jain Temples which are contained within the fort's walls. The carving in these temples was amazingly intricate and incredibly well preserved for such ancient buildings.

There were four different temples to see and with different opening times for each one we also had time to wander the narrow streets inside the 'living' fort

and meet some of the city's population who live within its walls.

By the end of our temple filled morning Dave was coming over all 'ommmm!' and I turned around to find him in this position.

We left the walls of the fort behind us and indulged in some retail therapy before heading back to our hotel where the Manager had obviously taken a fancy to Dave (our driver told us that they think he looks like a sportsman in his attractive singlets, what kind of sportsman we are not sure!) and invited us to have lunch with him at his house around the corner. We had a gorgeous meal prepared by his wife and mother including an okra curry, vegetables, rice and piles of chapatis; amazing hospitality and all for having nice umbrellas and wearing a vest top!

After letting our food go down it was back into the car once more and into the Thar desert for our camel safari. The dunes weren't particularly impressive at this time of year with the desert landscape being somewhat spoiled by an abundance of green. We mounted our camels, of course I got the mankiest, fly ridden beast you can imagine, and trotted off into the desert.

The gathering rain clouds put paid to any hope of a sunset on the dunes but we consoled ourselves by taking photographs of the ever amusing camels.

Dave spotted a mongoose from atop his camel, which is a weasel-esque creature and in India are popularly used to fight and kill venomous snakes; don't say I never teach you anything!